


Gaming Abstractions Create New World Orders

by Diego_Brando



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Actually something I wanted to share with people, Read it or whatever, not fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2568062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diego_Brando/pseuds/Diego_Brando
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A thing I made. What it ACTUALLY is is a 1400 word thesis on why I dislike the stupid headcanon/comic about Bro and Dave and child services.</p><p>At any rate, I don't see why people would assume Bro would get child services called when no one got Child Service called on them on Alternia.</p><p>Now, you may say "Because Alternia isn't this planet", but who's to say that Earth in the comic is?</p><p>Anyway, this is a stupid thing I wrote really late at night. I'll post it here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gaming Abstractions Create New World Orders

Let me start this 5000 word god damn thesis on why you are an idiot by saying Fuck You. Fuck you. FUCK YOU. FUUUUUCK YOOOOU.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system…

People who carry the headcanon that Bro would get child services called on him are dumb. People who think that someone would call child services on a fucking NINJA WHO CUTS METEORS IN HALF are dumb. However.

It’s really dumb to assume this, for the same reason people think “oh why don’t they call PETA down to the pokemon world” BECAUSE IT DOESN’T EXIST. PETA in the Pokemon world would only get in the way of life that people have there. And the thing is, this way of life is so different that it’s hard to explain how and why it is different. But the thing is, this isn’t a difficult gameplay thing, it’s a culture difference. The thing is, pokemon (and ergo, homestuck) is a world, a real universe and with that comes an actual, real culture. I’d be like a Texan explaining why the have so many guns, or an Irishman explaining why they have so much beer, or a Japanese man explaining why he has so much technically-not porn. They just do.

I’ll break it down, starting with the basics explained in my own method. Let’s say we have a metroidvania set in a city with multiple playable characters. And lets say, as a central gameplay mechanic in that game, we have paths only accessible via a double jump. Now, you’d say “Well that’s weird. I can’t get up these paths without the double-jump module. So, what, everyone in this city has to just ignore those paths?” WRONG. All the characters we played as could hop twice. It’s a safe enough bet to assume that anyone else could. And if it’s a PC that started without a double jump, then we can assume that he is supposed to have it, ergo, everyone is. And another thing, it’s not like they built these roads without it in mind.

The thing is, this is a gaming abstraction in a world that has it in mind. It’s not like it’s new technology or something. This is a world built with double jumps in mind. In Dracula’s castle, everyone who is ACTUALLY meant to get around (ie, Dracula, Death, Shaft) has double jumps or flight, and everyone who is not (ie, random zombies who need to stay in place and guard, knights who need to remain in this pit to attack people thrown in the pit, the player character because he can’t get to Dracula) needs to NOT be able to get around. The construction of this castle is the best weapon to deter intruders, because all the enemies are easily fixed by swords.

Another example: in Dead Space, all the puzzles are made with Kinesis in mind. Well, all the people who would be using these puzzles are engineers, so they would actually have kinesis. And all the puzzles are actually just machinery, or broken machines. So it is totally designed to be fixed or used by kinesis.

In mega man, there’s robots for everything. Because they have robots!

In Scott Pilgrim, they have a world based around these gaming abstractions. Which is why people do things like become an evil ex as a miniboss. Or have a list of exes that people have to prove worth over.

In… should I go on?

I’ll skip to the big ones. 

In Pokemon, the world has pokemon. So everything is based around Pokemon. People are like “You can’t leave the first town without Pokemon? Why?” BECAUSE YOU NEED POKEMON. BECAUSE THERE ARE OTHER POKEMON. THAT’S HOW IT WORKS. The thing is, it’s very hard to explain this because it is an actual different culture. You might have issues understanding Japan or Russia because their culture grew up based around these ideas of having a pokemon or something. But the thing is, when people who don’t grow up with a pokemon, they don’t get it off the bat. It’s like if in a town where everyone had a police badge, you’d be like “Why do you all have these badges?” But everyone just has the badges. They just do.

I’m delaying Homestuck with one more thing: Problem Sleuth. Problem Sleuth is an example of these gaming abstractions being difficult to work around, but they are difficult because one reason: The door is locked. If the door was not locked, the one door, no problems would be had.

Anyway.

Homestuck.

Why doesn’t Bro get child services called on him?

Well, what is he trying to do with his kid? He doesn’t give him all the food he wants, but he doesn’t deprive him. He does give him grueling training sessions, like throwing him off a building as a BABY but he’s able to do it. Everything is either within his limits or just above so he can learn. So he’s not actually abusing him, depending on your definition. Swordfights at random times but it’s all either within limits or enough to allow him to learn enough from it. Also, sometimes the fights are absolutely decimating, ie, the Strife displayed in the comic when Bro and Lil Cal kicks his ass probably teaches him a lot about swordplay. And beyond that, Bro gives him the Sburb beta anyway. This most likely means that Bro’s main focus is training.

“But what is he training Dave for?” I hear those of you reading this ask.

He’s training him for Sburb, you fucking idiot.

Sburb or the Condesce. The Condesce is headed for the human universe. She doesn’t get there before B1 explodes, but she does get there in time for B2. And she does take it over! So it’s a damn good thing that he had the training. It’s unknown how the guardians work in terms of memory, but Bro seems to have enough of Dirk’s memories that he has the skills to train someone else in swordplay and the knowledge of Sburb. Mom also knows about Sburb, as she had the giant underground lab. And Dad had all these impossible impassible barriers around the house, all to strong up John. 

So they have some intelligence from the past, and not only that but Post Bro/Post Dave has the skills from Bro, and the know-how to fight Presidents. This puts him on a level of Raiden and Johnny Joestar. Meaning the training was useful: He killed the fucking evil presidents. 

However, the annoying issue in so much media is the police don’t know about these things. So they arrest them or whatever.

Who’s to say there’s police? Or crime? Even if there is crime, it can be cut down by BRO FUCKING STRIDER. The thing is, the only adults we actually know of are extreme badasses. And they are all 110% good. So not only would there be no need for a police force, there might not be crime. People get money by leveling up, and by defeating enemies. The only sort of violence could be FLARP or Piracy or wars, like in the troll’s world. And if we have these sort of wars, what are we fighting?

People raised from birth to be like a Strider. So, Bro Mr. Miyagi-ing Dave could not only be seen as normal, but as the norm. A lot of people could be raising their kids to be like this because, if you can’t tell, besides being a world with gaming abstractions and level ups and an inventory, it was made by TROLLS. So it could just be trolls world 2.0, and it doesn’t have a police force and in fact Dave could have the most normal upbringing by comparison.  
Homestuck gets a lot more interesting if you look at it from this view. And now you don’t have to deal with stupid sadstucks about child services and Bro losing Dave.

And hey, if you still get brought down by it, do you honestly think that Bro fucking Strider is going to let his kid, which he knows is going to have to fight Sburb enemies or Bec Noir or the Black King or the Condesce or SOMEONE, and his kid that he loves, get taken away by a low-level BEAT COP?

No, he’s gonna ride in, sword deflecting bullets, incapacitating police and overall doing a damn fine job to convince them to give back his kid. Or hey, he’ll strike a deal with them to go kill 20 drug dealers in exchange for Dave.

Point is, Bro is awesome and does not do something for no reason. And if you like sadstucks where child services, FUCK YOU.


End file.
